Karen Keller
When it comes to shopping, women are experts. We know what we want, where to get it and what price we will pay for it. Right? Not always. What about when the answer to knowing what we want is EVERYTHING? And what price we will pay is ANYTHING?
Now that’s a problem – for both men and women. There are thousands of smart competent, accomplished men and women who present a face to the world that is pure confidence and capability when it comes to spending money. When in reality they are afraid, envious, and impulsive. Barbara Stanny, author of Secrets of Six-Figure Women, calls this the Imposter Syndrome – an attitude covered by layers of insecurity.
People sometimes wear masks when it comes to shopping. We are all guilty of spending just a bit too much at times, but serious problems arise when these three liabilities become habits rather than occasional occurrences.
Three Money Liabilities
So, what should we be on the lookout for when it comes to managing our shopping or controlling our spending?
There are 3 famous reasons we use to "buy," none of which make us responsible with our purchasing power. Here are the three liabilities of out-of-control-spending and what they really represent for us:
1. I can’t live without this! This is the "I-gotta-have-it" conversation in our head. What we can’t live without has more to do with our loved ones than us. We ‘gotta-have-it’ for THEM.
Real message: Impulsiveness and scarcity. We hear this, "I need this NOW and if I don’t get it NOW it won’t be here later. I have only one chance to get it!" Raise your hand if you’ve heard this in your head before? I have, especially while traveling because I know I won’t be back to get it if I change my mind. It’s hard to control that voice in your head that’s trying to argue you out of your purchase.
We have a fear of not being able to "take care of" everyone around them. We see it as a reflection of who we are and how much people will love and respect us. As a result we do whatever it takes, or "spend" whatever it takes to make people in our lives happy. We need to realize that being ourselves, offering love and support is more than enough.
2. This will make me feel better! "I’m not happy – but I will be when I buy this."
Real message: Emotional fulfillment. Somewhere we are missing something. There’s a void in our work, success or relationships. No matter how hard we try, that void is still empty. We go for the quick fix – buying something that makes us feel good, even if it’s for only a moment. We need to remember those moments are fleeting. Look for other ways to fill the emptiness – ways that won’t hurt you later.
3. I have to look the part! "If I don’t wear this people will think I’m not successful!"
Real message: Appearances. We need to show up looking the part. We need to project an image – one that personifies how we want others to perceive us. Now, I agree that the right handbag or shoes are important for the big business meeting with the boss, but not important for lunch with the girls. We dig ourselves into debt trying to keep up with the Jones’, convincing others we have worth and are smart with our money.
Bonus Liability >I deserve this! "Rick has it (who’s less deserving) so, why shouldn’t I?"
Real message: Envy. This emotion is the hidden dragon. It’s waving its fierce head, ready to jump when you least expect it. Envy is one emotion that says more about us than someone else. It is a sign that we aren’t satisfied with something in ourselves. Find out what it is. Take action to close the gap or resolved the issue. Grow your strength.
These three liabilities are examples of beliefs that hurt you. It’s self-talk that convinces you of things that your inner guides knows to be different. Listen to that voice who gives you pause. Ask yourself what reasons you have for buying this item? If it is any one of these three liabilities, set it down, turn around, and walk away.
Yes, I never met a dress (or suit) I didn’t like, but does every dress (or suit) like you? Make sure the fit is mutual.
